how to make up a confident kid
Right from birth, kids learn new skills at a dizzying rate. And along with those new abilities, they also acquire the confidence to use them.
As children get older, that confidence can be as important as the skills themselves. To thrive, kids need to trust in their own capabilities while, at the same time, knowing that they can handle it if they aren’t successful at something. It’s by experiencing mastery and rebounding from failure that they develop healthy self-confidence.
Here are some ways you can set kids up to feel capable and get the most mileage out of their skills and talents.
Before training your kids, let them see your confidence. Become the role model of your children. They must at least think of being like you. So train yourself first .Note that your children are watching you. They love you a lot at the same time they imitate you. So confidence of your children comes from you.
Don’t get upset about mistakes. Help kids see that everyone makes mistakes and the important thing is to learn from them, not dwell on them. Confident people don’t let fear of failure get in their way—not because they’re sure they won’t ever fail, but because they know how to take setbacks in stride. By motivating your kids rather than focusing on their mistakes they could easily compete their defect and rise to a better confident individual.
Encourage them to try new things to build up a confident personality : Instead of focusing all their energy on what they already excel at, it’s good for kids to diversify. Attaining new skills makes kids feel capable and confident that they can tackle whatever comes their way.
Allow kids to fail. It’s natural to want to protect your child from failure, but trial and error is how kids learn, and falling short on a goal helps kids find out that it’s not fatal. It can also spur kids to greater effort, which will serve them well as adults.
Praise perseverance . Learning not to give up at the first frustration or bail after one setback is an important life skill. Confidence and self-esteem are not about succeeding at everything all the time, they’re about being resilient enough to keep trying, and not being distressed if you’re not the best.
Help kids find their passion: Exploring their own interests can help kids develop a sense of identity, which is essential to building confidence. Of course, seeing their talents grow will also give a huge boost to their self-esteem.
Set goals: Articulating goals, large and small, and achieving them makes kids feel strong. Help your child turn desires and dreams into actionable goals by encouraging her to make a list of things she’d like to accomplish. Then, practice breaking down longer-term goals into realistic benchmarks. You’ll be validating her interests and helping her learn the skills she’ll need to attain her goals throughout life.
Celebrate effort. Praising kids for their accomplishments is great, but it’s also important to let them know you’re proud of their efforts regardless of the outcome. It takes hard work to develop new skills, and results aren’t always immediate. Let kids know you value the work they’re doing, whether they’re toddlers building with blocks or teenagers teaching themselves to play the guitar.
Expect them to pitch in. They might complain, but kids feel more connected and valued when they’re counted on to do age-appropriate jobs, from picking up toys to doing dishes to picking up younger siblings from a play date. Homework and after-school activities are great, but being needed by your family is invaluable.
Embrace imperfection. As grown-ups we know perfection is unrealistic, and it’s important for kids to get that message as early as possible. Help kids see that whether it’s on TV, in a magazine, or on a friend’s social media feed, the idea that others are always happy, successful, and perfectly dressed is a fantasy, and a destructive one. Instead, remind them that being less than perfect is human and totally okay.
Set them up for success. Challenges are good for kids, but they should also have opportunities where they can be sure to find success. Help your child get involved with activities that make him feel comfortable and confident enough to tackle a bigger challenge.
Show your love. Let your child know you love him no matter what. Win or lose the big game, good grades or bad. Even when you’re mad at him. Making sure your child knows that you think he’s great — and not just when he does great things — will bolster his self worth even when he’s not feeling good about himself.
Both children and adults often engage in negative and damaging chatter with themselves: “I can’t do this,” or, “I’m terrible at __________,” or, “What is wrong with me?”
Address them by their name.
Addressing children by name is a powerful and simple way to send the message that they’re important, especially when paired with friendly eye contact.
Joining in a child’s play sends the message that he is important and worthy of your time.
During playtime, parents can allow children to initiate or choose the activity, as well as lead it. When parents engage in and appear to enjoy a child-led activity, the child feels valuable and accomplished.
Teachers of young children can implement this strategy in the classroom as well.
To get the Let’s Chat Discovery game printable along with other hands-on activities and movement games, you can view our Growth Mindset Activities Kit.
This kit is perfect for home, a classroom, an activity studio, or a day camp. Use it when you or your kids need a special growth mindset boost.
Love and acceptance are key components of confidence and self-worth, so parents should spend quality time with their children to demonstrate that they are valuable.
Take him on outings, eat dinner together, play games, go outside, or do any other activity that allows you and your child to enjoy time together.
Teachers can help children feel loved and accepted by getting to know students’ interests or hobbies and making a point of having personalized conversations with each child, like, “How was your soccer game yesterday, Sarah?” or, “I think you might like this book about dinosaurs, Timmy.”
The more a child is around positive, confident individuals, the likelier he is to become a confident and positive individual himself.
Parents, give your child strong adult role models and do your best to ensure that his friends are confident people who uplift and encourage your child rather than tearing him down.
Teachers, be a positive and confident role model for your students and teach your students to be kind and build one another up.
In the home or in the classroom, you can demonstrate your pride and appreciation for kids’ achievements by creating a “Wall of Fame” that showcases achievements like good grades, art projects, trophies or certificates, pictures of the child participating in sports or other favorite activities, and more.
A Wall of Fame can highlight a child’s effort and determination, giving him a confidence boost that can be especially helpful in times of self-doubt.
Physical affection communicates love, acceptance, and belonging, making children happy and confident.
Parents and teachers of younger children can give kids high fives, back pats, hair tousles, and lots of hugs to show that they are cared for and valued.
The way we see our kids (or the way our kids believe we see them) has a profound impact on the way they see themselves.
Make it clear to your children (or to your students) that you love and care for them even when they make mistakes or poor decisions, and avoid harshly criticizing or shaming them.
These activities are simple, but effective for building confidence, which is vital to happiness and health. Research shows that confident children are better able to deal with responsibility, challenges, and frustrations.
Make a list. Sit down with your child and together, brainstorm their strengths. Focusing on the positive can go a long way towards empowerment.
Use positive affirmations. These words of encouragement can become rituals in your family that lead to positive self-talk over time. Simple phrases such as “you are loved” or “you are safe” can become second-nature.
Goal plan. Set some attainable personal goals with your child and then help them set out to achieve them. Discuss what achieving them will entail, and encourage them along the way. Celebrate their progress.
Play “That’s What I Like About You.” During dinner or a family meeting, go around the table saying one nice thing about each other.
Set up an invitation to create. This can be as simple as gathering some recyclable materials and taping them on a tray. Invite your child to create whatever they like out of the materials. This ability to think creatively, make mistakes and produce something is a huge confidence booster. Given that there is no wrong answer here, kids feel empowered by this activity.
Do a STEM challenge. Similar to an invitation to create, this activity challenges kids to think creatively and problem solve. It helps them work toward an end goal such as making something float, or building a nest.
Practice yoga. Yoga helps kids practice mindfulness and reflection along with learning self-love. The exercise can also increase endorphins, and provide feelings of happiness and well-being.
Do an act of kindness. Acts of kindness such as helping a friend at school, or volunteering at a food bank, are incredibly important for kids. We feel good about ourselves when doing good for others. This one is a win-win all around.
Collaborate on some artwork for the home. Displaying a child’s artwork on the wall or refrigerator is a major confidence-booster for kids. Grab a canvas from the craft store and work on a piece of art for the home together!
Play a cooperative board game. These games are meant to be played so the players work together against the board, rather than against one another. These are great for bonding and working together to achieve a goal.
Don’t tell them when you’re worried about them : A very important aspect that every parents should remind is that they shall not reveal that they are upset with their children. Children finds different ways to get appreciated by you. Your applause means to them a lot. So if they finds that you are upset on them ,it will impact their level of confidence a lot. So please don’t reveal that you are upset with your kid.
Don’t allow them to escape reality by spending all their time on the internet
Don’t allow your kid to hide behind a computer screen. Instead, encourage them to engage with real people in the real world.”Confidence in the virtual world (although important) is not the same as real world confidence that offline effectiveness brings,” Pickhardt says.
When parents are too strict or demanding, the child’s confidence to self-direct can be reduced.
“Dependence on being told can keep the child from acting bold,” he says.
Giving too much assistance too soon can reduce the child’s ability for self-help, says Pickhardt.
“Making parental help contingent on the child’s self-help first can build confidence.”
When you’re growing up, the journey is more important than the destination.So whether your child makes the winning goal for his team or accidentally kicks it out of bounds, applaud their effort, Pickhardt says. They should never feel embarrassed for trying.
“Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well,” he explains.
Nothing will discourage your child more than criticizing his or her efforts. Giving useful feedback and making suggestions is fine – but never tell them they’re doing a bad job.
If your kid is scared to fail because they worry you’ll be angry or disappointed, they’ll never try new things. “More often than not, parental criticism reduces the child’s self-valuing and motivation,” says Pick hard.
In addition to chores and classroom jobs, give children “special tasks” to help them feel useful, responsible, and competent. Using the word “special” gives children an even bigger confidence boost.
In the home, these special tasks can include helping with a pet or younger sibling as needed, being your cooking “assistant,” or, for a very young child, simply dressing himself.
In the classroom, kids can help make classroom decorations, water plants, erase the board, etc.
Parents, your child recognizes when your mind is on something else or when you’re not giving him your undivided attention.
To help your child feel valued and confident, set aside time to put away the electronics, put thoughts of work or other distractions out of your mind, and truly focus your attention on your child.
Teachers, too, can take the time to give students their full attention and be attentive to their needs.
Start by forcing yourself to stand back while your child takes healthy risks, says Victoria Sopik, CEO of Kids & Company, a corporate childcare service in Toronto, and a mother of eight. “To build confidence in the world, kids have to take chances, make choices and take responsibility for them,” Sopik says. She sees too many parents trying to rescue their kids from failure all the time.
Sopik remembers staring from across the room as her two-year-old son, Fraser, lifted a huge jug of orange pop at a fancy party. “He was about to pour it into a glass, and I just stood there, holding my breath,” Sopik recalls. Rather than trying to save her son before he had a chance to try, Sopik watched as Fraser spilled the pop all over the floor.
Then came the best part: Fraser found a waitress, asked for a paper towel and cleaned up his own mess. “He solved his own problem—just like we do as successful adults,” Sopik says.
Conclusion
Confidence shapes a child’s life tremendously, and it’s one of the most important gifts parents and teachers can give to their children.
If you’re unsure where to start, pick a few strategies from this list to try implementing this week. Once you’ve mastered those, try a few more. (You probably found a few strategies on this list that you’re already using in your home or classroom too!)
Give kids opportunities to feel capable and competent, and demonstrate through words and actions that they are loved and valued.
With your support, the children in your care will grow into confident individuals who are happy, successful, and thriving.
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